I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
