i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
