Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
