i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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