You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what day is it and did you see me today?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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