You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
