College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
