you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
