Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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