I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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