I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
