I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
