Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
