I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
