I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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