the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
