Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
