Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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