My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
