I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
