is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
