why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
