I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
