4 words: hood of his car
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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