my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
oh god the rape fog is back!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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