Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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