U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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