I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
