Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
