I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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