Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
