I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
