I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
