i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
