I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
