I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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