Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
