Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
