Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
