I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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