Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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