Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
