Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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