Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
