So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
