I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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