Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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