How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
