he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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