Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
