I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Randomize
