Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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