he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He shit in the fireplace
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
